Unpredictable.

I keep asking the question
Will you turn around and come with me?
Or should I read the signs and leave and let you be?
Now I'm standing at this roadblock
And there's no way around it
I've been waiting for your mind to change
Because I feel so one sided

So give me a reason
Why you're on the outside
When you should be in
When we'll get together
So maybe it's better
I walk alone but you'll always be near

Now there's no room for settling
I gotta do this, I need to
But this mirror I'm looking in
There's no reflection without you

The sanctity I found deep in your arms
It was a false alarm and it hurts
I lie awake at night and think of what we could have been if it worked
Then we chose to go our separate ways instead of meeting each other halfway
And If I had to choose, I'd have you by my side

I saw us break
I watched us fall
It made no sense to me at all
You say that you will
But then you don't
So I'm gonna take this step alone
In my heart of hearts
I always knew
This jump was way too far for you...

All in all, you know he is the one for you when you can't stop thinking about him constantly. I guess, the greatest challenge in life is to find someone who knows all your flaws, differences, and mistakes, and still love you with everything they have.
And i think i already have, but the only thing that is stopping me is that bridge. The bridge of moving on and knowing that he won't take a second chance to look back at me.

With you, I could see every captive moment.
With each and every moment cherished and engraved deep within my heart.
Fear & doubt that this may not be authentic, but simply inauthentic.
But this time I can see this may be real. Truly real.
I questioned this surreal feeling deep within my soul.
For once how could something feel just so.. right?
But rather then question, I should just open my heart.
Let this overwhelming feeling just go with its natural flow.
Cause nothing ever felt so right.

It's amazing the things you realize when your distant with someone, you get mad at yourself for not saying the things you could have a million times, you take for granted the days spent doing nothing when you could have been with them. Anyone can be taken, at any time in our lives, but we always wait until they're gone to say the things we never had the courage to before....

Maybe, just maybe, this jump was just too far for you.

Maybe I'm unpredictable.
Maybe I'm difficult to read through.
Maybe I still think about it.
Maybe I smile pretending that I'm always okay.
Maybe when your not around, I don't have the same old anxieties.
Maybe it's when your around, feelings rush back to me.
Maybe it's because i miss you.
Maybe it's because you hurt me that i love you even more.
Maybe my heart hasn't let you go completely.
Maybe I am just a afraid to take another chance.
Maybe I'm just scared to grow up.
Maybe I'm scared of growing apart.
Maybe I'm scared to fall for you so hard again.
Maybe I'm scared of being lied to.
Maybe I'm scared to trust anyone.
Maybe I'm scared to believe.
Maybe I'm scared to love.
Maybe I'm scared to get hurt.
Maybe I'm scared at the fact that everything we do now, effects who we are in the future.
Now the question is, will i ever stop loving you?
To be honest I'm really scared to know the answer....

Man, i'm feeling so stressed out for the past 2 and a half weeks. Haven't been on the computer period but damn, i feel like i am going to die soon. I honestly have no life whatsoever =/ Always so worried about so many things that my planner does not even have enough room. I think i feel sick to my stomach knowing that i'm always so worried now and my massive headaches that i've been getting alot last year? well clearly, they are becoming worse this year. It's been getting quite difficult to hold myself together and not stressing out, I've been swearing so much up to the point who knows... and my close friends know that i NEVER swear. omgosh... It's getting difficult catching my breathe to catch the glimpses of the things that are real to me. I guess i can only perceive and wait for now... The only thing i need now is the reassurance that i can do anything, that i can strive forward, and that i won't give up no matter how hard everything is.. i just need this encouragement that i can do it. because as of right now, i'm feeling as if im slowly giving up.

It has been a week since school started and I'm starting to get stressed. For the past week, I still have this anxiety in me like you were still here. I can't explain it exactly but maybe I'm so anxious to know how you've been doing. I guess the only reason why i still have this anxiety is because the thought of you still lingers in my mind, like you never left. I race to french class everyday forgetting that your class is no longer next to mine, going to my locker forgetting that you're not standing right behind me waiting, or when school is over you aren't there to give me that hug of reassurance that anything is possible. To tell you the truth, I miss those things a lot but I truly miss seeing that smile of yours everyday. But what can I do? these are just the feelings that haven't left me but only reoccur to me. Ever notice that the people who hurt you the most are the ones you tend to love more? I guess this question is right. I do love you more. And the reason why i love you more when you least deserve it is because I still want you to have that reassurance that everything is going to be okay. That when you fight the world on your own, you can get up and fight life again and not give up. Now that your far far away, growing of independence, I feel so happy for you. I'll always be your motivation.