Unpredictable.

It was the right time to do it. I HAD to do it because the memory of you is still in my mind. I know if your reading this, you might not understand but this is the only way I can get better and not believe in false hope anymore. I don't want to dream about it anymore, i don't want to anticipate anymore, I don't want to get hurt anymore, I don't want the feelings to come back anymore. The fact that you said you will always be there for me, I really doubt it most of the times. I know that you will question yourself and question me, but the only way i can see myself move forward is not take part in your life anymore. Your in university now and it takes so much from me to put trust into you. We don't talk anymore, so whats the point of taking part of my life? Its useless. I really hope you get to read this because this way you will step into my shoes to know that im doing this for the both of us, not just me. I'm sure you'll cope with people around you, I'm sure you'll be alright, I'm sure that one day you will know your limitations because I can't be there for you anymore. It's not that i choose not to, but you chose not to begin with. I can't pick you up when you fall nor can I open my heart to you again when you don't open your heart for me. I'm sure you'll do fine without me by your side.. you know, sometimes many things reminds me of you but then I take a good look at who you've become, who I've become, who you're surrounded with, and who I'm surrounded with.. and i start to realize to see the reason why we can't ever be together.

i'm sorry i can't provide you with what you want.
we both don't understand, and our timing isn't right.
i'm too complicated for you to see my point of view,
but you're too stubborn to consider it anyways.
i need you to understand me,
just as much as you want me to understand you.
but i don't understand why you can't accept what i want ,
and you don't understand why i can't accept what you want .
I guess, in some cases , the reason why girls never know what they want.is only because behind every untrusting girl is a reckless lying boy who made her that way.

It's not a matter of asking questions, it's a matter of finding answers.
It's not a matter of learning, it's a matter of understanding.
It's not a matter of time, it's a matter of moment.
It's not a matter of want, it's a matter of need.
It's not a matter of risk, it's a matter of fear.

I wish you the best of luck.

Just another ordinary that passes me by, nothing extraordinary. Man, it has been so long.. I can feel it. Been sick for like a week now and yet im still pushing myself to go to school. I'm over my self really, I'm definitely pushing myself too hard but what can i say? hard work pays off later on. It's getting crazier and crazier each day, and lately i've been thinking so deeply that it gets me so mesmerized. It's not the fact that i miss everything, i don't know... i'm not sure. I talked of you guys today and my eyes began to water, and i guess the only reason why i reacted in this way is because i still care so much when i shouldn't be because you guys don't give a fuck about me so whats the point. I wish i never met you guys, i wish that you guys never came into my friken life, i wish that we never became friends, i wish that i should never care about you both in the first place, honestly... what the heck is wrong with me? i don't know anymore. I'm happy that you guys aren't here anymore because i could ACTUALLY concentrate but now, you guys linger onto me still like a memory that never fades away. I'm frustrated.. all i need is reassurance. But the fact that you say that you will always be there for me? that is what im not too sure off, because if you were, you would give me that reassurance that everything will be alright.

What happened
after last summer
when we broke up
in September

I haven't seen you
Feels like a long time
Sometimes it still hurts
But I always get by

I still got a piece of you under my skin
Its always there no matter where Ive been

So if I ever see you on the street
Ill pretend that I didn't see
And turn my face
No use in small talk anyways

Because if I look into your eyes
Then Ill have to say goodbye
And that'll break my heart
So I wont even start
I wont even start

I wish you luck
And I wish it true
That's the best
I can do for you

Cause you'll probably find love
In someone new
I have to let go
Yeah its hard to do

So if I run into you with your arm by his side
Just know it'll cut me like a knife

So if I ever see you on the street
Ill pretend that I didn't see
And turn my face
No use in small talk anyways

Because if I look into your eyes
Then Ill have to say goodbye
And that'll break my heart
So I wont even start
I wont even start

- oh david choi, you make me remember so many memories that i had with him.

I feel like i'm sick,
I feel like im setting up such high standards for myself
I feel like im falling apart
I feel irritated
I feel like im not being collective
I feel like i cant pull myself together
I feel like there is no one there to motivate me
I feel frustrated
I feel unhappy
I feel So disappointed in myself sometimes
I feel like im pushing myself to hard
I feel like giving up.

I guess in the end, if i didn't have any expectations i wouldn't have to be so disappointed....

Dara is so cute :) man... it has been such a long time since i've talked to him but he always seems to make my day so bright when we reconnect with each other. He makes me feel as if i've known him my whole entire life and thats what i love about him. I would have to say that yesterday was the most amazing conversation ever. Whats crazy is that whenever we talk, whether it would be on the phone or on msn we know that we could always make each other smile up to the points that our cheeks would hurt. haha well, mine would. We would always have the best inside jokes ever whether it would be teasing each other or just saying smile to each other will always get to the both of us. haha I remember when my msn name said " Dara is so cute" for the longest time and everyone kept asking me if you were my boyfriend haha, man... good times good times and your friends asked you if i was your girlfriend because of our names LOL. why do you have to be so cute for? I love your smile, :) haha, i remember when your little sister would walk into your room asking you why you were smiling at the computer screeen AHAHAHa. i love her to death for coming at the right moment. :) LOLLLLLL! man.. your very sincere and a good guy you know that? haha i remember the first time you called my house, you knew i hated talking on the phone but yet you were encouraging me to be open up and not be afraid because your the type of guy that is very difficult to find. And i hope that one day when you begin to trust love and fate again, I hope that you would find this amazing girl that won't do you wrong, that you would be able to be there for her through thick and thin. For now, just keep your head up and ill always be there for you. :) Mcmaster Mcmaster... please accept me to your school just so dara can visit me everyday and then we can have our 4 minutes of awkward silences ahahaha :) kidding!
You make my day, no rephrase that.. You ALWAYS know how to make me smile through the hardest times of my life. and i thank you for that. i'm always here for you :)

your way too cute!

Romance Mathematics
Smart man + smart woman = romance
Smart man + dumb woman = affair
Dumb man + smart woman = marriage
Dumb man + dumb woman = pregnancy

Office Mathematics
Smart boss + smart employee = profit
Smart boss + dumb employee = production
Dumb boss + smart employee = promotion
Dumb boss + dumb employee = overtime

Shopping Math
A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he needs.
A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn't need.

General Questions and Statistics
A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband.
A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.
A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.
A successful woman is one who can find such a man.

Happiness
To be happy with a man, you must understand him a lot and love him a little.
To be happy with a woman, you must love her a lot and not try to understand her at all.

Longevity
Married men live longer than single men do, but married men are a lot more willing to die.

Propensity to Change
A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't.
A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change, and she does.

Discussion Technique
A woman has the last word in any argument.
Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.


- AHAHAHA man oh man, one of the truest things i know. :)